Thursday, October 23, 2008

Worry Knot

I think I’m finally putting my finger on it. I have been experiencing an on again off again anxiety since our trip to Italy. I have been dismissing it as basic displacement, but I think it is more complicated than that. In that time, I have been glued to the US newspapers and news sites, reading every item on the collapse of the economy and the 2008 election. The Fulbright organizations are thorough and clear, in their forms and orientation materials, about the ups and downs that scholars go through in their moves to other countries. They are also specific on the process and methods of extracting scholars from countries that enter into civil war or a similar crisis. There wasn’t anything in the documents about crisis in your own country, or state, or neighborhood. We simply look on from afar.

The news for New Haven is bleak. As our current Mayor said, when the state of Connecticut gets a cold, New Haven gets pneumonia. Right now it looks like Connecticut has a cold that is becoming a sinus infection. My friends and family are OK. No one is losing their house or job, yet (that I know of…) But their businesses are affected and I worry. Our bank and mortgage company have changed hands and I worry. We are 10 days away from the most important election in decades and I worry. Transition to another country is difficult for all members of my family and I worry. Just taking a family of three to the movies here is about $100 and I worry.

I also think about Dad. We are approaching the one year anniversary of his death and it occupies my mind. I’m glad that I will be far away at Thanksgiving. I need the distance and solitude to process this grief.

So here’s my strategy: A total news fast. I don’t know if it will help or work, but it will free up a goodly chunk of time that I can use for something else (yoga, meditation, art, cleaning…) I also plan to have a really good cry. Maybe now.

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